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Where Were You on the Evening of...

Okay, I blew a post a minute ago (say, there's an image), and so now I'm all pissed off and feel like acting like a hard-boiled detective for a minute.

You know that thing they always do in police movies and shows? "Where were you on the evening of..."

I always wonder if I could remember what I did that night, or if I couldn't remember how I could get myself to remember. Could I "reconstruct my movements" of that night? Could I come up with an iron-clad alibi?

So, you try it. Using your local time, of course.

"Excuse me, sir/madam, can you tell us where you were on the evening of Thursday, March 30, 2006 between approximately 7:45 and 8:15 p.m.? Can you provide an alibi? Names? Witnesses?"

Go ahead. See if you can do it. It will be easier for some of us than others, of course.

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Oh, uh, sure, officer. Um, Thursday night? The 30th? Um, let me think for a minute... I'm having a little trouble... could I check around my stuff for a bit and let you know? I can't really remember.

Uh, I think I probably was home by myself that night. I think I'd rented a DVD, "The President's Last Bang". You could check with my local video store to see if that's right. You have to say how many nights you want the DVD for and I always ask for just one night so if I rented it that day, I probably watched it that night. The video store probably has a record of when I rented it. I'll give you their number. Maybe I was renting the DVD during the time in question? Not likely, but maybe. If not, I guess I don't really have an alibi, do I?

That's kind of bad for me, isn't it?

Let's see. I know what case I was working on on 3/30, because we filed the brief on 4/5. Checking my work e-mail confirms my memory that on that afternoon, I was making phone calls to Attorney General offices across the country. I stayed late at work to get people on the West Coast, but I know I took the shuttle to my parking lot and it stops running at 6:25, so I left before that.

That would put me at home roughly around seven, with my spouse and our dog (not that she's a useful witness). I think Chad already ate that night before I came home, but I'm not sure. Regardless, at 7:45, we were either walking the dog or home after walking the dog and collapsed out in the living room, reading stuff on the web. (I've just checked GMail and don't see that I posted or e-mailed anything during that time period, which would put me at my computer.)

Unfortunately a spouse isn't a very good alibi, but that's what I've got.

DET: Thank you, Ma'am. We'll get back to you if we need more information. Perhaps you can recall somebody seeing or chatting with you on your walk? Perhaps checking your cell phone bill? You never know what might help you. And us, of course.

I can't remember the last time I used my cellphone, but it was certainly not then; it mostly gets used when I'm on the way home and Chad calls to see if I can pick something up at the store. I suppose it's possible that someone called the land line and that could be checked, but it's not likely.

At that time of night, it's not likely we saw a lot of people while walking the dog, and we generally just smile and say "Hi" to people we do see.

Only other thing I can think of is to check my IM logs and see if I'd logged on then, but I doubt it.

But, Detective, I assure you that I was too darn brain-fried to be out and about doing anything nefarious. You can ask my co-workers about that one--they heard me doing the telemarketer impersonation all day, and that's *tiring*.

But, Detective, I assure you that I was too darn brain-fried to be out and about doing anything nefarious.

DET: No offense, ma'am, but that's what they all say.

Bwahaha! I was at a Clarion West workshop meeting at SF museum's offices. I can supply the names of half a dozen other people who were there to confirm this. The meeting started at 6:30 and ran until nearly 9. So it wasn't me!

MKK

The meeting started at 6:30 and ran until nearly 9. So it wasn't me!

DET: Thank you very much for your help, ma'am. We'll cross you off our list.

I was in DC, at a pre-dinner cocktail party at the American Bar Association's Section of Antitrust Law's annual conference. I was tipsy on cheap chardonnay. Were I not nearly anonymous on the interwebs, I could post the names and firms of several witness-types. Lawyers to a one, though, so do with that what you will on credibility.

Were I not nearly anonymous on the interwebs, I could post the names and firms of several witness-types.

DET: We are forwarding an application for our witness protection program. Please do not hesitate to ask for our further assistance.

I can't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone what I did some random evening almost a month ago. Actually, I can probably remember exactly what I did, but I cannot associate that memory with a date and time. I've always been amused by the alibi process as illustrated by cop shows. Usually, the person either gives precise details and we know them to be cleared, or the person equivocates and we know something is up. That can't possibly be how it works in the Real World.

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